Monday, June 30, 2008

Poor Little Rich Girl

Oh my god! This movie is really cute. Don't you love how Shirley just saddles up to men all the time, putting her arm around the old grouchy Mr. Peck and tellin' her father Mr. Barry that she wants "to be his wife"? 
Hallelujah! Hozanna! No more spinach!
And most of all, I'm into the tap sequences. 
I'll bet that kids lined 'round the block just to get into the new Shirley Temple matinee, probably in their dress cut like tiny t-shirts with their thighs pokin' out like two sausage hams - just like little Ol' Miss Barbara Barry, aka Betsy Ware, aka Bonnie Dolan. No finish, really, though: dad starts dating again and his soap company merges with another one. Actually sounds kind of sad if you ask me. But don't ask B, because she'll frown and laugh at the same time in your raggedy-eye-browed face. 

Friday, June 27, 2008

Reality Bites

There's not much to say about this movie really, except for that it was made in the 90s and Ben Stiller directed it, and put himself in 10 minutes of it just to have a makeout scene with Winona Ryder. I watched it because I was craving a peice of 90s romantic comedy, and all I can say is I was still craving it when the movie was over. I should have watched Say Anything, or any John Cusack movie really. c-, for effort, on my part. 

They Babysitters Club

Alex is steaming HARD right now. You see, I watched the babysitters club senza di lei. (that is italian for without her..oops) I'm pretty sure there are a lot of different babysitters club movies, the one that i watched was the one where they start the camp in Maryanne's backyard estate. The whole movie I was trying to figure out where I had seen Logan in other movies, he is austin o'brien! that cutie in my girl 2. Thing is he is MUCH more of a stud in the babysitter's club. He is Logan. Maryanne's boyfriend from Kentucky. droool. I want to BE Maryanne in this movie. She is 13 and she has the life that any 17 year old could possibly dream of! They push eachother around in maryanne's backyard on hay stacks while they fall into eachothers arms and kiss, screaming children in the backyard doing potato sack races.
It's actually not that sad that Claudia's dad never comes around because her acting needed some improvement at that time in her life. my question is: what is the big deal claudia?! Your friends care about you! They are not going to think you're a weirdo freak just be cause youre father is estranged from your family. Earth to Claudia! That's what family is for!
If you haven't seen it then I shall say no more, its very classy. That's all.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Milo and Otis

This movie has no plot but it's cute when you watch 8 minutes at a time. It's also cute imagining the narrator (a stodgy out British man with a heart of gold) acting out all of the voices for all of the animals in the story. His cutest role? As a toad. The cutest moment? Milo the domestic cat walking out of the ocean. The most disgusting moment to accidentally happen upon while you're in the middle of a sandwich? The spontaneous live-action and VERY I REPEAT VERY graphic birth of one (1) kitten and one (1) pug. Ew. 
*Attached image is of a dog watching the movie on a TV about the size of ours! Yay!

My Girl

Another movie about a spunky little squirt that happens to be a cute and grape-boobed 11 year-old. And guess who loved it? Moi. Why? Because anyone who grew up wearing giant t-shirts and spending half the summer damp and sticky all the way through grade school knows that there's more to life than boys... and that's men. 
And it's about being you, which is a unique, sexy woman at any age! Work it!
But don't watch this movie if you're too spunky to cry, because I guarentee you that you'll spend a lot of energy holding back the waterworks at Thomas J.'s funeral. When Veda walks in there and starts screaming "He's not wearing his glasses! How is he going to be a gymnast when he doesn't have his glasses!" that's it for me. And that'll be it for you, and you and you and you. 
Also, watch this movie if you want to see Jamie Lee Curtis while she was still a fox. Anna Chlumsky still is.

Harriet the Spy

I'll be honest: I went into this movie in love, and I left it the same way... and maybe a little teary. This movie rocks; the book is even better? Everyone always says that like they're some kind of literary historian but I personally don't remember Gully rockin' out so hard in the book version, and I don't remember Harriet and her two best friends Sport and Janie Gibbs wearing a constant palette of solid primary colors. And I don't remember all of the awesome music, and I don't remember the fish-eye lens. I do remember reading that book 6 times in one year, however, so I SHOULD KNOW WHETHER THE BOOK IS BETTER THAN THE MOVIE... but I don't. Can't we all just get along? Who cares!
Either way, watch this movie is you're an independent woman with a lot to say, and no one to answer to but yourself. Or if you want to be that way. Because Harriet, an 11-year-old with a heart of malleable steel, can help you. 
Trivia Alert! "Harriet the Spy" the book was banned in the 60s because apparently Harriet provided too spunky of an example... aka she was too much of a lesbo. So there's your cake.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Stand and Deliver

This movie was predictable and it sucked. 

101 Dalmations

The part that they don't want you to know about this movie is that there are actually only 99 puppies and then two older ones, which don't even count so this movie should actually be called 99 Dalmations and the Parents of 15 of Them, Only 5 of Which You Really Get to Know." But wait why am I being such a killjoy about this when I loved this movie and it got me through so many a tired and lonely breakfast? On the final spell, I was so into the chase scene between Cruella Devil and the escaping pooches that when she crashes into a snowbank I made my own sound for it to show my support! I also dressed up for the occasion (to be posted in the near to distant future.) I love how everyone's dogs are like their owners, and also how you get to catch all of the jokes that you missed when you were a kid. Get this: a cat saves the dogs, to be perfectly honest! Yay! Also, do not confuse this excited review with the live-action version, which is for Generation Why saps. 

Pee Wee's Great Adventure

Let's be real here: I hadn't seen Pee Wee's Great Adventure since it was released more than two years before I was born! But I saw it a few weeks ago because I'm 20, so I can rent videos now. I laughed out loud, a lot! This movie gets an all-around 360 degrees apartment approval rating - we don't even need to go there! You'll probably want some candy, chips, and soda though when you watch this, and you will need everyone to wear a big t-shirt because otherwise you're killing the funmood. Oh, and wake up late the next morning for God's sake! My favorite part of this movie was when you get to see the recreation of Pee Wee's Great Adventure - the lines stay the same but everything is a little more every-day.

The real ringer in this movie is Elizabeth Daily. That girl is a fox and a hare; she's so hot she could melt a battery. She's also hot and funny in Valley Girl, and she's also the voice of Tommy Pickles in Rugrats which is sort of a turn-off. But she's a sex god and makes me smell so I give a thumbs way in the air!


Andre is a lot like the geese from fly away home, except he is a seal. It's kind of sad sometimes, but that really freaking cute little girl from corina corina plays andre's best friend and main character, and i think that makes up for it all. I'm really tired, so just see the darn movie if you haven't, and if you have then it was probably a billion years ago so see it again gosh darn't. If you cry at the end, then you have a warm heart open to opening the door to a friendly seal who just needs a friend in life, if you laugh then you can suck it.


Okay, if you were one of those kids that loved to turn on the disney channel and find a good movie focused around friendship and friends defeating really bad enemies in order to keep the beautiful friendship alive, anyway if all this is true than you've probably seen hocus pocus a million times. The point is, you should watch it again, you might love it just the same or you might love it even more. Thora Birch! remember her? Just as cute in 'Monkey Business' (another must-see-again)

She's soo cute, she really Makes the movie, one of those little cute independent girl characters who stands up for her big brother, even when he has a really hot date, she's good at embarrassing him.
Oh and Bette Midler! If you were a lil kid the first time you saw hocus pocus, you probbaly didnt even know that the witch with the funny lips (more like funny lipstick actually) is bette midler! see it again! you'll give it an A+ (again) too!

Friday, June 6, 2008


What can I say besides this movie has just now become my favorite movie. I loved it! Has Cher been in any other movies?? It's an absolute sin if not. She was the funny, sort of slutty neglectful mom in this movie, with a young Winona Ryder and even younger Christina Ricci as daughters. Christina Ricci will make you laugh and Winona Ryder might make you cry. My favorite part is when Ricci is walking around with a pumpkin on her head, and Cher just looks at her as if to say "this is my kid? I'm lucky." nods her head and grins. This is a movie to be watched in one sitting, I made the mistake of giving it three, don't make the same mistake.
Why is it called Mermaids? See for yourself. This movie gets 100000009999 stars.

Boys on the Side

Talk about a real feel good movie. Dang. This movie really hit the spot for me when I woke up at 8:30 looking for something to do, for I usually wake up at 10:30. Is Whoopi Goldberg always supposed to be a lesbian in movies? She is in this one for sure, but my question is, are we supposed to usually assume that her androgyny isnt just androgyny but homosexuality. Bring that one to the dinner table, it'll really make you question your everyday life. I don't know about Drew Barrymore so much, though. Kind of ditzy, kind of an idiot. But since this is a movie about women being independent, and just saying Fuck You to all those guys that have ever hurt them, then Drew Barrymore's character gets an A-. Actually, this movie has it all- abuse, AIDS, sex, lesbians, man-haters, etc. It's quite possible that you've never even heard of this flick. Heck, I hadn't until in caught my eye on the 25 cent rack at the thrift shop.
Whatever, just see it.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Stand By Me

The fact that there are so many awesome shots for this movie helps me out when I say that this movie could break and repair the heart of a dog. If you have ever seen Now and Then, this is actually just the boy version of that. Both will warm your heart and make it skip a few beats at certain scenes. One scene in particular, the scene where the boys go for a swim in a dirty old lake and become covered in leaches until the tall one with the big white underroos finds a big juicy one in his underwear, completely humiliated in front of his friends, oops I think I got a little off subject. That scene made my heart skip a quick beat followed by a sigh of relief. I love the character that is always scared and trying to talk his friends out of having good semi-dangerous fun away from the parents. I won't give away the whole movie, just please god see it.

Homeward Bound

I felt so good at times during this movie that I had to laugh pathetically to keep from crying. Here's how they did it: every time that something good happened, they played a certain song. Then, every single time that they played that song, my serotonin would rise no matter what was going on. And by the end of it, I experienced a raging chemical upsurge. This movie is CHOCK FULL of reunions. First, Chance and Shadow are reunited with Sassy (played by none other than my hero Sally Field - and boy does she live up to her "sassy" name!) after thinking that she was dead (idiots!) after falling 300 feet down a waterfall. Then, the animals find a tiny dirty blond girl crying on a rock in the forest. Since her parents don't come looking for her until the next day, they hang out with her until then and alert the father when he finally comes around. Lastly, each of the animals gets their own solo reunion with their favorite child, ending in a crescendo when Peter, who thinks that Shadow is "too old" (idiot!) to have gone all that way, is reunited with his old man, Shadow. Chance, narrated by Michael J. Fox, narrates this saga about maturity, love, and forests. A movie that took only 3 sessions of 30 minutes for us to watch, and probably 30 years for them to make (how did they get Sassy to hug Shadow?!) deserves an outstanding rating of TEN HANDS.

Car Wash

Wow uuummm what can I say except that I honestly only watched the first 20 minutes of it for a few pretty good reasons in my book. There was absolutely no sign of a plot within these first 20 minutes. There I was in front of my tinytv trying to enjoy a good movie after a long tiring afternoon in china town, and this is what the vcr feeds me. A movie without life, feeling, or a good plot description. Well just look at what IMDb has for us: "Car Wash is about a close-knit group of black employees who one day have all manner of strange visitors coming onto their forecourt, including Richard Pryor as a preaching 'wonder-man' who is loved by most but loathed by one, and a man who looks like a thief by the way he is holding his bottle, but it is really his urine sample as he is off to the hospital." Sense a plot? The fact that they think that they must announce that they are a close knit group of "black" employees as being an integral part of the movie just further proves my point that this film is without a plot. I'm sorry to those of you who have actually given more than 20 minutes to this movie, because to put it plainly it would be more worth it to feed some lonely ducks at a pond or to just turn on an everybody loves raymond marathon. I don't give this film a star rating because I just don't feel like it.

Thelma and Louise

We all know that this movie is about friendship, women, and convertibles. But did anyone ever notice how it is also a literary reference to Ren and Stimpy? Louise is the uptight, pucker-faced spinster who takes herself too seriously and Thelma is the naive idiot that never does anything right but whose optimism is the end saves them both. Remind anyone of a certain fun cartoon duo?

These women really have it rough over a period of 3-4 days, but in the end they really appreciate the lessons they've learned, the hair they've let down, and the Brad Pitts they got to know. This movie was so good I was ready to blog about it during the opening credits! It's really, really good!

It's honestly unbelievable! 1 star (out of 1 star.)

Monday, June 2, 2008

Pucker Up and Bark like a Dog

All I can say is that I did not expect any of that. wait, did I say did not? I meant did. I totally did. I give this moviee 0.3 stars and here is why:
-it was terrible
-the worst movie I have ever seen
-a lot of sex scenes, but not even a second of it was tasteful
-an artist? that nobody knows is actually a "genius?" that gets his big break? and the woman who he has always wanted? enough said
I think we can all agree that this movie should stay in the arms of a wild baby wolf running into his mothers cave where she is dying. this vhs tape that i hold in my hand as i type will be destroyed, or given away to somebody less deserving.
please do me a favor and never watch this movie,
your friend and movie foe

Sunday, June 1, 2008


Oliver! is not for the faint at heart. I watched this movie for 15 minutes a day over breakfast, every morning leaving my front stoop with a catchy tune about living the hard life on the tip of my cockney tongue. Don't you love how The Artful Dodger pushes his sleeves up before he snags a scarf? My favorite song is called "Consider Yourself":

Consider yourself
At home
Consider yourself
Part of the furniture

Don't miss when Fagan accidentally drops his life's stolen fortune into a bog, and is forced to choose between the honest life and thievery once again. I won't spoil it for you; watch this classic to find out where each of these rapscallions ends up.